If you only know me from a distance, the tendency is to think me a very strong person who can confront anything at a whim.  While I am strong, I hate confrontations of any kind.  If it can be avoided, that is my preference any day.  When I can, I am happy to sweep it under the carpet for as long as is possible, and even when I eventually confront things they don’t always go very well, because I will either have allowed the issue to fester for too long that what I end up having is an emotional conversation where I could have had a rational one.  Or on the other hand, the tendency is I will remember that what was done wasn’t okay but might have forgotten the details.  Either way, my confrontations or frank talks can quickly go awry.

The things I shy away from confronting range from simply uncomfortable requests to outright bad behaviour especially from people I am aware ought to know better.  If it makes you uncomfortable, I will not confront it, if it makes me uncomfortable I will rather not talk about it, and God forbid that it will involve my telling you unpalatable truth; I just shy away, which is why what happened recently was for me a big win.

I had been in a place where I am helping someone get back to their feet and sometimes, it is a stretch, but I was convicted to do so, so I had been doing my best within my capacity and ability, and this has been ongoing.  Recently, I stepped in even deeper to see if there was a way I could speak to others to join in the effort so we could if you like, make a dent and that was when it went wrong.  The person in question probably saw this as the break they had been waiting for, but within days of introducing them to a few people to pitch in, their demands skyrocketed.  And in the past, I would just have avoided them going forward for all of my life.  But this time, I realised that shutting them down was not going to bring the required solution which is really to be found in having that unattractive discussion to first express my displeasure without freaking out and secondly to help them see the folly of their ways and why they had to change their ways.

So I called for a meeting…

My stomach was literarily tied up in knots when they showed up, but I bit the bullet, and I made my point.  I helped them see that sometimes people reach out to help others not because they have too much but because they are compelled to by love.  Secondly, I helped them see that it is not cool to dictate to those who have come along side you to help you how they must help you.  Thirdly, I let them see that there is a whole lot of dignity in owning a little even if others can give you a lot.  At the end of the conversation, I didn’t withdraw my support, but I had let them see that there was an ethical way to deal in all circumstances and this one wasn’t an exception.  It was powerful personally for me to realise that I could do this and not freak out and at least from their response, I do not think they took offense.

I know I am not alone in my dislike for confrontations but we must all come to accept that it is possible to stand in and for the truth that you know and do so without making the other person out to be the devil and pointing out an unpleasant occurrence is not necessarily to draw a battle line. Everyone can win if it is done right with the right motives. I learnt and am learning that if something someone has done makes me feel bad, then I should make an effort to discuss it with them, but more importantly, I learnt that trying to spare another some discomfort by not confronting their lie with truth is just as bad as living a lie myself.

So this day, I finally told the TRUTH!  My 2019 just got better.

Embrace Your Super Power!

Bidemi