There are many shoes I wear as a person. Partly because of how I have been positioned in life and mostly because of the kind of person God has evolved me into over the years. So I daily switch amidst several roles. From being a firstborn child to being a mother, a mentor, an employer, a pastor amongst many other roles I play, I have to be in several places mentally to fulfill them all. But one thing that features in nearly all my roles is the tendency to be some sort of hero to all the people in these relationships with me.

Sometimes, it is simply expected of me – like mothering my children or showing up on Sunday with a word for the people, coming up with salaries at month end. At other times, it is my innate disposition to want to fix every challenge I encounter.  Many times though, it is all just up in my head; that I must have an answer, a solution, that I have to show up every time with a smile, that I must be calm and put together always, that it shouldn’t be heard from me, the words “I don’t know”.

I know that there are many of us in the world like this. Who are disposed to hear a whimper and your first instinct is to fly out and save somebody. The pressure to lead and get it right always is a close companion because ‘someone is watching you.’ If you are a first child, a single parent, an orphaned sibling tossed into the job of raising younger ones without warning (and the many other situations I cannot get into) you may understand this. Your role is important and valid,  just about as important as you perceive it to be actually; maybe even more. But I have a question for you;

When you are done taking care of the world, who/what caters to you?

As important as it appears to have many people point at you and say “you helped my life,” the danger of being a superhero is the likelihood of waking up one morning and realize you are 60 and unfulfilled. Because while helping others is a good thing to do, the better thing to do is to never forget yourself in the process. This is not to discredit where you have found yourself but to remind you to see through your own eyes and dream for your self because it is in your becoming all that you can that the people in your life are truly helped. Imagine one tired soul pulling another one along; they are both helpless and largely helpless to one another.

I have found ways to work with my superhero streak and live a bit better than I would have.

Build your own relationships. Do not make the mistake of assuming that the people you ‘save’ will automatically become the ones to surround your table. Many parents get bitter and heartbroken when their children grow up and leave home and do not carry them on their hearts as they expect. But you cannot count on them to stay. Have your own tribe. A people who love you and stay because you have found common affection and support in one another and not because you gave birth to them or helped them in some way. No matter how smart or strong you are, there are heights you will never achieve by yourself.  You need your tribe to help you get there.

Have your moments. Even if you give all that you have, remember to have your own moments where the conversation is strictly between you and yourself. This is where you become familiar with who you are outside of other people’s influence. This is where your dreams are birthed and reinforced from time to time.

Never leave God behind. There are many ‘how to’ books and materials on how to live life, be successful or achieve things but no one knows an item better than the one who designed,  created it and wrote it’s manual. However old or strong or tired you get, your master plan is in God’s hands, and your good efforts might as well be a waste if you have been chasing at the wrong things (even good deeds can be wrong in the wrong circumstances). Let no saving take over your life so much that you forget to go back to God now and then. When all else fails, this will be your secure place.

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Have an amazing week.

Embrace Your Super Power!

Bidemi